Random thoughts by a random being, living in a random universe……..
Meditation is my Capital
Reason and sound logic is my religion
Love is the foundation of my existence
Enthusiasm is the vehicle of my life
Contemplation is my companion
Faith is the source of my power
Sorrow is my friend
Knowledge is my weapon
Patience is my garb and virtue
Truth is my salvation
Submission to the universe is my pride
Reflection is my habit and in it lies the coolness of my eye and peace of my mind
Inspired by Ali ibn Abu Talib
Often times we assume that we can either be idealistic or pragmatic and yes that may get you somewhere but we are human and have the capacity for ambiguity. We can choose to be idealistic and pragmatic. We need idealism to determine our destinations and pragmatism to help us get there……They should not be mutually exclusive, but embraced and symbiotic.
What is the meaning of life? This is a question I have pondered over for a very long time. As it so often happens, while day dreaming in the shower, it slapped me in the face. I was asking the wrong question!! The question I should be asking is what is the meaning of existence? And the answer is simple, Life. Life is the raison d’etre. Its meaning is itself, it is the reason for existence, it perpetuates itself. Every living thing spends its life replicating itself. It is life longing for itself. We are but one expression of life and our purpose is to live and reproduce. In living and reproducing, we get to experience much along the way to death, where the process starts all over again for a different expression of life.
In my lifetime I have lost one close friend and one not so close friend to suicide. I have spent much of my life making sense of their lives and deaths. With the recent death of Robin Williams, may he rest in peace, some news agencies accuse him of cowardice for his rumoured suicide. This got me thinking, is it not harder to take your own life than wait for it to be taken from you!!! I for one would find it incredibly difficult to take my own life no matter what the circumstances, so it is reasonable to think that what Robin had done, took a lot of courage, strength and honesty!
Dictionary.com defines cowardice as “lack of courage to face danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.”. I would reckon that taking your own life is the most dangerous, difficult and painful act one could possibly do. So, if you can do that, hell, you must be brave!!!!
Let say, for arguments sake, that some people find it easy to take their lives and taking their lives is much easy than the difficulties they face in life, then yes, they are cowards! But how do we measure or determine such a characteristic? I would’nt know where to start, so I choose to give them the benefit of my doubt and call them courageous!
Based on the people that I have known and who have taken their own lives, I have never once thought of them as cowards. They were smart, hardworking, kind and courageous people and I cannot comprehend what they have experienced, and so I trust that they acted righteously! May Robin and my friends, who have consciously chosen death over life, rest in peace……
Those who think that this courageous act is sinful, all I can say is don’t do it but also don’t judge others who do and don’t speak ill of the dead.
“…life is a gift bestowed without anyone asking for it; that the thinking person has a philosophical duty to examine both the nature of life and the conditions it comes with; and that if this person decides to renounce the gift no one asks for, it is the moral and human duty to act on the consequences of that decision.”
― Julian Barnes, The Sense of an Ending
Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.
Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all;
There are none to decline your nectar’d wine,
But alone you must drink life’s gall.
Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.
I was still trying to figure out my resolutions for 2013, when I heard the firecrackers blasting away for the arrival of 2014. Where did my year go? Time seems to shrink as I grow older! Before I look forward to 2014, I would like to take a moment to look back at 2013. There were 2 significant events for me in 2013, and both have changed my world in negative ways.
The first and most difficult event was the shocking loss of my father, as he did in life, he left without much fanfare or fuss. I miss him dearly!!
Secondly, Edward Snowden, has crushed my optimism in the future of mankind with his leaked information. The cynic in me was not surprised at the actual revelations, but more by the response or should I say non response but most governments around the world. I am appalled and repulsed by the cowardice of these governments and their open acceptance of the Orwellian world we live in. We have become slaves and could care less…….
I had only one resolution for 2013, and that was to write more. Overall 2013 has been the year I have written the most, so I will tick that as accomplished.
As for 2014, I would like to write more consistently and target to publish something once a week….Good luck and may 2014 be your best year yet!!!
On the morning of 15 June 2013, while rushing to see my father in hospital, I received the news of his passing. I heaved with emotion and felt a part of me ripped out leaving a lingering hollowness.
He left in the way he lived, silently with no goodbyes. He was never one to make a show of emotions, but always had a smile on his face. Of the little he had he gave a lot and I miss him. I miss him more than I ever imagined. There were so many unsaid words between us and conversation I planned to have in the future that now lay waste in my heart.
I often wondered what do you say to one who has lost a loved one? Now I know there is nothing anyone can say, no words can ease the pain of the loss. But being surrounded by people I love was like a soothing massage, in which I found much solace. Simple little things like an embrace, a phone call, a shared memory even a joke reminded me that I had many loved one’s still with me here and now.
I guess my father’s final lesson, is that life is fragile and short, appreciate those that you love today and let the busyness of life distract you tomorrow.
To all my friends and family who paused their lives to share their warm embraces with me, I thank you, it is worth more to me than words could ever say………
Birdie, birdie in the sky
The blue blue sky
Flying so so high
Wonder what u see
Just little figures, as they be
Birdie, birdie in the sky
The dark dark sky
Lying in your nest
Wonder what u see
Just little stars, as they be.
Birdie, birdie in the sky
The floating sky
Dreaming in your rest
Wonder what u see
Just little worms, as they be.
As a child I remember having dreams, of things I want to do, places I wanted to go to and goals I wanted to achieve. Some were wild and crazy while others were tame and downright boring and yet others were just sheer impossibilities. These dreams all shared boundless imagination, great hope and infinite optimism. These dreams brought me great joy and anticipation. But – yes there is always a but – somewhere along my journey to adulthood those dreams withered and faded into the past. It’s almost as if the passage to adulthood is the extinguishing of dreams.
My children often remind of me of my own childhood in which I find scraps of dreams lost. Inspired by them I have slowly began to piece together some of my chilcdhood dreams. In supporting my children’s dreams, I have awakened in me a drive to do the same for myself. So now I practise day dreaming regularly (I call it meditation) where anything is possible and when I am done, I plan its realisation.
28 years ago, a dear friend, Dr Khaleel Ismail told me about a mountain whose biodiversity was unmatched anywhere else. At its foothills, lay a rainforest and at it’s peak, a snow cap. I was immediately drawn to this mountain within my dreams. I dreamt of watching the sunrise on this snow capped peak. For many years I tried to realise this dream, but somehow it too faded into the black hole of lost dreams.
One fateful day in May 2011 while paging through a caxton newspaper I saw an ad for an expedition to Kilimanjaro, and I was slapped in the face by a dream that refused to be sucked into the black hole of lost dreams. I pledged there and then that I was going to do this no matter what. Just like that it was decided! On 10 September 2011 I left to find my sunrise and my dream.
Watch this space, my dream continues with a day by day account of each day as I lived it……..
A few weeks ago I rode in a family mountain biking event in Sabie which had many water puddles along the route due to rain the previous day. While riding I noticed that the kids participating always rode through the puddles while adults avoided them like the plague, including myself. I watched the anticipation on the kids faces before steering their bikes straight through the middle of the puddle and thereafter the pure joy in their eyes and grins on their faces. I felt a pinch of jealousy, even some envy, I wanted that feeling, I wanted that grin on my face! I tried in vain to ride through the puddles, all I could think about was all the things that could go wrong and the mess on my clothing and bike that would need to be cleaned. I was overcome with sadness, I had lost my inner child. I was this tight assed killjoy adult. I wanted my inner child back, I wanted that grin on my face!
We spend our whole lives experiencing stuff from which we build little rule engines in our minds which determine our future decisions. We slowly block out the wonder with consequences and fears. We stick with the known and avoid the unknown, we become, dare I say it, killjoy’s. We wonder why we are no longer as happy as we were as children and seek answers in self help books, religion, living through our children and who knows what else. We take comfort in the fact that we are no longer children but mature adults now.
I have never liked the idiom “To have one’s cake and eat it too”, so I for one, would like to be a childult i.e a mature adult who experiences childhood joy. From now on I challenge myself to ride through the puddles.