Seeking Al Mugda

“Pre-emptive strikes” a term made famous by the bush clan is a very interesting term. Have you ever wondered what does this actually mean? Not literally that is! It means I want to be aggressive but not be the aggressor, I don’t want to be the first to strike but want to strike before I am struck a.k.a the minority report in action. Yes really powerful stuff, so my simple mind says ok, so what does this mean to me.

Lets pretend I am the head police commissioner of the world, I always wanted a big title, and my wife is out shopping in the big apple. Yes it is the only city in the world where a head police commissioner of  the world would live because thats where everything happens including alien visitations, but I digress, this is a another story for another week. After her visit to a third brand X store for her umpteenth pair of must have shoes, someone of dark colors (that is hair, skin etc just for realism) put a makeshift knife at her throat and requested that she hand over her cell phone, jewelery, purse and priceless shoes. Now the cell phone, jewelery and purse was a no brainer to hand over as was practised many times in those how to behave in a mugging situation course, but the priceless shoes was a step too far. So she did what any self respecting shoe loving women would do, she flatly refused to hand them over. Her rationale of course is we should not give in to muggery and be victims, we should stand firm. Good will conquer evil so help us God!!! And so the slogan began “We don’t negotiate with muggers”. Unfortunately the mugger subsequently wanted the shoes with even greater fervour and ended slitting her throat….not to worry it was just a flesh wound and she lived to change the world forever.

I, as the head police commissioner of the world am flabbergasted that some mugger would actually have the audacity to mug my wife and leave her alive. They surely did not fully understand the repercussions of such an action. Like any good husband I was forced to avenge this or look forward to a life of personal misery. So I did what any self respecting head commissioner of the world police would do. I gathered all those suffering the same situation as me, actually I just called a staff meeting and we brain stormed. We decided that all the stats will indicate that there is definitely a worldwide and organised muggery. All muggers the world over are using the same tactics everywhere picking on the rich and defenseless. So there was only one conclusion we could reach, they were receiving the same training and instruction. The word on the street informs us that there exists an organisation called “Al Mugda” run by a Juan Ahmed Jonathan Oki Lee a.k.a JAJOL. The case was cracked wide open, I could go home and tell my wife that the world and I got together and we figured out who took her shoes, it was the one and only JAJOL. He was responsible for mugging all over the world. I promised we will find him and bring him to justice. So my think tank was now analysing “Al Mugda” and discovered that it consisted of a number of individuals all acting individually and independently all around the world. Secretly we were so impressed that an organisation could function this way we decided we could inculcate this work ethic within our organisations secretly of course, but once again another story for another time.

Weeks had passed by and could not find this infamous JAJOL, well actually we made him famous but we don’t need the credit, and my wife was starting to loose her patience. Suddenly I was making my own breakfast, now I knew things were taking a turn for the worst. One morning on very low blood sugar levels I decided somebody must pay, and does it really matter who pays they are all muggers any way. And so “Pre-Emptive Arrests” was born. It was decided that the whole world would be a safer place if we used pre-emptive arrests, arrest the thugs before they mug, what a brilliant idea!! I once again displayed my great leadership skills and vision and I would bring safe and secure shopping to women all over the world. And so it began operation “Mugless”. Everywhere, all around the world if anyone even walked like a mugger, talked like a mugger, smelled like a mugger, dressed like a mugger, looked like a mugger, even scratched his/her nose like a mugger or in some way or form was associated to a mugger, they will immediately be arrested, interrogated and also incarcerated. And now we have wives who can shop safely and securely in the knowledge that muggers have all been arrested or will be shortly……HELLALUYAH TO PRE EMPTIVE ARREST!!!! Now I wonder what pre-emptive action should we take next….Oh yes we are still looking for JAJOL…..keep your eye out for him….you may still see him in a mall near you.

Cheers 4 now…..

Welcome Note

Hopefully this would be the start of a general outpouring of my insane but yet somewhat troubling thoughts on the world we live in and the other nutty inhabitants. Now, the definition of normal is “conforming with or constituting an accepted standard, model, or pattern; esp., corresponding to the median or average of a large group in type, appearance, achievement, function, development, etc.; natural; usual; standard; regular” and apparently according to all the other living organism that speak a similar language to mine consider me a bit of an eccentric. So I have accepted this because I would much rather be called names than fit in with those sad, pathetic, downright boring beings. 

The other day,  I went into a store and purchased a bottle of water – yes, I know that is horrible. I pay a huge some of money for some one to put water into a bottle and locate it conveniently for something that falls freely from the sky. This got me wondering how did we get from free water to water that we pay for and be fine with it. Even worse when are they going to figure out how to charge us plebeians for the air we breathe, surely some corporate oddball is thinking if only I could sell air. So I have a theory, all the pollutants in the world were actually created so that sooner or later fresh air could only be had in a bottle……..

Check this out

Cheers for now, more musings next week…….